Expectations and your baby …. screw them

Having a baby is completely life changing. Other moms will appropriately alert you to postpartum delights, not sleeping and utter exhaustion. But where are the warnings about other people’s expectations surrounding your birth and baby?

When it was time for Nugget to be induced I felt ready! Ready for the pain … which I was NOT ready for. Dear friends who said labor pains are equal to “bad” period cramps that was a LIE. I was beyond ready to meet my baby girl, sacrifice sleep, brave the judgement of bottle feeding in a city “where breast is best” is every woman’s mantra … but I was in no way prepared for other people’s expectations regarding my body, birth experience and baby.

In reality only one family member proved to be problematic … but she caused a storm. She felt entitled to be in the room when I gave birth … I did not agree … so she was not. She felt entitled to babysit my newborn … I did not agree. She felt entitled to my home, husband and baby in ways I still cannot fathom. She was simply a nightmare.

Being a new mom is hard enough … navigating a completely new life in the blink of an eye is complicated. Help new moms by not doing these things:

1. Do not pout about not being in the delivery room … and proceed to throw fits while making passive aggressive remarks. Giving birth is extremely personal, hard, emotional and special. Moms have the absolute right to choose their birth plan. If that offends you … keep it to yourself.

2. Do not expect a new mom to host you and your entire family for a major holiday like Christmas. A new mom hasn’t been sleeping or eating. She does not want to clean her house, cook and entertain you.

3. Do not show up at a new mom’s house and threaten to take her to court for her baby. I’m not sure why anyone would find this behavior acceptable … it’s truly not. Do not do this.

4. Do not tell a new mom “babies are for sharing” while demanding alone time with an infant. In a word it’s a weird. You’re likely to be escorted to the door by a mama bear.

5. Do not be mean and attempt to turn other family members against the new parents … it’s not cool or mature. Playing favorites is the ultimate manipulation.

New moms don’t be afraid to:

1. Say no to guests. You’re tired … you can always reschedule.

2. Say no to hosting holidays … you just gave birth … that’s enough for this year.

3. Say no to toxic family members … they bring anxiety. You don’t need any more anxiety inducing people in your life … a newborn is more than sufficient.

4. Take care of yourself and baby, however that looks for you.

5. Create boundaries with overzealous people … if they reject boundaries … reject them. Harsh maybe … sanity saving … certainly!

Basically ENJOY your baby and don’t let anyone get in your way. The newborn stage is precious and goes way too quickly. Snuggle baby, eat yummy snacks, watch some bad TV, bond with your partner … just soak it all in. Don’t feel bad about taking space for your new little family. Everyone else will just have to get over it … or not … that’s their issue